(rice is good) BORED AS HELL [16 Mar 2005|01:50pm] [ mood | amused ] HEY Im at my nanas house and i was so bored so i read back over all my entries and i just realized that i have no life. not that i didnt alreday know that i just feel stupid now. idk i used to write about different stuff. like the same things keep happening to me but i just dont write about them anymore, i still get stomach aches a lot my mom still gets mad my parents fight and scream my brothers rehab didnt do shit and hes almost at the same place he started but ot as bad.  all that i used to always write about it like it was the stuff that really mattered to me but its not, not to say i dont care about my brother and my parents but theres other things or atleast there should be. ive always written about the guys that i happen to like at the moment and now that i look back i have no feelings for them.  so i guess that how i feel for matt now is how i felt for some guy that i dont even care about a few months ago. thats a depressing thought. that my feelings are so strong now but eventually they wont even be there. i guess thats how it is wen ur young ur feelings just change so fast. but i dont want to accept that. thats why i have to write about it so that i can remember how i feel, i will write all my feelings down eventually.  but still i hate how u can never read someones mind and know wat they r thinking. i can usually tell or have a good idea but not with matt. atleast he seems to like me and that should be good enough i guess. i shouldnt of told him that i cant stop thinking about him that was not good. cuz if he only kinda likes me he will feel weird, i cant stop thinkin about him so it seems like im typing the sa,me thoughts over and over again, ive just had the biggest crush on him since forever but i never thought i even had a chance until kaylee brought it up a few weeks after she dumped him. wen she first told me she liked him at the beginning of 3rd quarter i was just like o and i acted happy and stuff but it sucked but nows my chance and im trying not to blow it. anyway rane is so annoying, there are some things about him that i really hate and i never told anyone wat they r. but always seems to be getting in my business and i just realized i was like wtf i dont really know him he has no place in my life, where does he fit in or belong -nowhere. he just complicates things and makes it seem like hes needed somewhere in here but no. at the moment life doesnt suck to bad, i want to hold on to that as long as i can it never lasts but i forgot how ok it is wen things r just ok where u r. i guess things will be back to sucking soon but for weeks things have been ok and its cuz i let them be good i think. its just up to my to let them be good, i think i subconciously want to have a hard time. who helped me to realize this, just a stupidass song on the radio that idk the name of that i heard on an unusually good morning. im a freak but im used to it by now im a loser but i like it, i have a hott bf, i have a nice room in a nice house, my grades r ok i want to do something crazy and ruin it all, thats just me.............. maybe ill keep the hott bf. haha thats up to him tho he can keep me for as long as he wants. MATT IS HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(rice is good) MATT MATT MATT MATT MATT MATT MATT MATT MATT [15 Mar 2005|09:48pm] [ mood | horny ] hey I actually told Matt how much I really like him, that i cant stop thinking about him that i cant fall asleep at night and that i cant concentrate on anything all day and that i constantly write his name on every thing i own. which was either a good or bad thing to do cuz now i might scare him off, but i dont think so. i was hoping for a response like he really likes me back but i know he must atleast like me somewhat to have agreed to go out with me in the first place. its so hott wen he says grrrrrrr, its just really awesome. i really really like him if u cant already tell. hes so hott and i just cant stop thinking about him. i asked him if he was almost gona say no wen i asked him out and he was like no i was hesitant cuz usually wen girls kno that i smoke and drink they dont like me anymore and i was like o no not me i just like u to much. i feel better now that he knows how much i actually care about going out with him that it really matters to me its not just some thing i really really like him. i wish i could c him every day cuz atleast wen we r at skool i can be guarunteed to atleast c him a couple times but hopefully my mom will let him come over on thursday but i havent asked yet. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr y cant i stop thinking about him hes so sweet and nice and funny and hott and just ummmmmmmmmmm awesome, he actually called me today it was cool. i told him id call him tomorrow cuz im gona be at my nanas house, but he might call tonight but im not sure cuz i got off the phone in a hurry . he has a sexy voice on the phone. today ive been goin out with him for officially a week. and the last time ive kissed him was last wednesday. that sux........ i really need to get a chance to makeout with him. hes so hott.

(rice is good) matt [13 Mar 2005|10:08pm] [ mood | horny ] MATT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO HOTT!!!!!!!   i really really like him. im so bored im gona go ok bye

(rice is good) [22 Feb 2005|08:47pm] [ mood | i am tired as hell ] hey so wats up? im not really talkin to anyone inparticular. so rane and alec and alex came ovr this weekend but my mom was so mad. it kinda sucked cuz alex was really hott and i didnt really get to talk to him. im kinda friends with his friend alec now and hes really funny which is cool. i feel weird talkin to alex now but its ok cuz i dont think he even cares. anywho matt wasnt at school today so i figure he got juvi, that really sux. i guess i wont be seein him for a while. rane is really bein dumb, hes askin a million ?s and i feel sick and tired and i wish i didnt have to explain every little thing im thinking. im just answering his ?s with ?s now cuz i dont feel good homunkii: U suck welfareproblem14: i kno welfareproblem14: a lot homunkii: O ya welfareproblem14: but how did u kno that? homunkii: I was kidding u better be to welfareproblem14: o homunkii: Ur not? welfareproblem14: o welfareproblem14: jk homunkii: Ya u better be welfareproblem14: y welfareproblem14: jw homunkii: Cause that would mean u lied to me and i really have liers homunkii: Hate welfareproblem14: hate wat? homunkii: Liers welfareproblem14: who is? homunkii: No one thats y u better be kidding welfareproblem14: about wat? homunkii: Sucking a lot welfareproblem14: a lot of wat? welfareproblem14: huh homunkii: I dont no u remember i said u suck then u said i no a lot welfareproblem14: o welfareproblem14: weird homunkii: Y welfareproblem14: idk u brought it up c and he doesnt even realize wat im doing. hes gona read this and get pissed, o well im tired as hell and so im gona go take a nice shower and go to bed, hopefully i nvr wake up or i wake up rich or um idk scratch that i just hope i dont wake up sick, ok yeah bye

(rice is good) bored [15 Feb 2005|08:34pm] [ mood | i dont kno wat to do!!!!!!! ] um its wierd to write in this wen i kno there r ppl that actually come and check it everyday. well rane is pretty nice........ i kno he will read this so i gota say sumthin nice about him. i almost had a great day today but then i got ruined by my mom. idk how she always does that. shes bein cool now tho. i made her an sn its oldfaithful1450. she picked it. i think its hilarious. i dont ever get to talk to alex anymore. that kinda sux. hes really cool. i feel really confused these days. idk y tho. my mom is always fighting with steve and they are getting very annoying. i reaaly hate it. and idk wats goin on with rane and i feel wierd typing that cuz i kno hes gona read it so i guess ill stop. i gtg bye!

(rice is good) hi im at ranes house [13 Feb 2005|03:20pm] [ mood | amused ] im sooooooooooooooooo bored. i cant believe im actually at ranes house i hate it here. i want to leave as soon as possible. jk its cool i got to drive the car. and alex might come over. im scared cuz he will prolly hate me.any way i got to drive his gocart to it was ok.i was scared.his dog keeps jumping on me and its annoiying so yeah bye..........................................................................................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

(rice is good) bored [08 Feb 2005|09:50pm] [ mood | anxious ] hey wats up im bored. um so i guess alex was the one who threw the bottle at me today.atleast he wasnt actually trying to hit me. anyway rane got me a shirt even tho the show was cancelled. i wonder y? anyway, im not sure about me and hims situation at the moment, but i just wana cool it for now. wen steve and mom r divorced or separated and we move in the summer i might date him. im so confused i like him only wen i think im jealous. i cant believe i kissed him tho, that was a bad idea.really bad idea.bad bad bad,......bad.well i dont feel sad bout the divorce, i dont really feel anything but awkward. i dont wana move either, well i kinda do but i dont wana leave my friends. im talkin to alex and its making me realize how much im going to miss everyone. but hes right we can still talk and stuff. im just nervous. anyway hopefully i can get dreds soon i decided i still want them even tho no one else wants me to get them. but before that like in the next few weeks im dying it bright red. that will be awesome, i just gota keep my grades up. its tru tho im not really the right kind of girl to date. idk y tho, its just cuz i just am. i cant explain it. rane still wants me to like him tho. hes like the wrong person. alex is so awesome tho, hes really nice. anyway, im done with this entry.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................bye

(rice is good) butts [06 Feb 2005|03:31pm] [ mood | amused ] hey im bored theres this unbelievably retarded person at my house i hate him!haha jk i actually love him. but really i hate him. but no yesssssssssssssssssssssss i need to stop lying to myself i really do love him. nooooooooo i love candy a lot so yeah. i need to leave. so bye now

(rice is good) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr [22 Jan 2005|09:16pm] [ mood | thirsty ] hey im so mad. i like this guy but i will nvr tell him cuz idk. but yeah cool that was a long story. um sooooooooooo bored right now.i havent been on in such a long time. i hate this comp. i love my brother john. he is doing so good and he goes to AA meetings everyday. i love joe to, he wrote me letter. i loved it so much. i showed it off to everyone. i just love everyone. wat is wrong with me?!? i gtg c ya i need a drink

(rice is good) ugh [09 Jan 2005|07:58pm] [ mood | blah ] Hey wats up, yesterday was my brother joes bday and today is my brother michaels bday. it was cool, we went to the movies. hes officially 18. rane is really bothering me for some reason. i wish that i could see alex or something. ive talked to him a lot but i dont think ill get to meet him anytime soon. anyway, i hate having skool, but i like ccurrent events. its the best class ever. i like watching the news too. grrrrrrrrr im bored with life. i should go, this wasnt very productive.....im proud of john.

(rice is good) HAPPY NEW YEAR! [31 Dec 2004|08:06pm] [ mood | nerdy ] HEY I have a lot of new years resolutions, but im not sure wat they r yet. like i kno i want to have goals and change but its hard to set them. but today was a good day cuz my brother john got home, but he slept a lot. our neoghbors r over right now and they r prolly gona play dice soon. my mom would nvr have let me on the comp wen people were ovr but luckily im at my dads and there is a while before midnight. i kinda wish i was at a party but im not sure whos party i would want to be at. nobodys i guess, thats wierd, i just dont seem to like anybody enough to want to spend extra time with them, well there r like 5 people idk. im a freak but its ok. i like being stupid i enjoy it. my little brother is watching me type this and reading it too. he is 9 and is in 4th grade. he wants me to help him make a comic book but now he wants a livejournal to.grrrrrrrrrrrrr i better do that now, ps he wants me to write a whole section on poop.

(rice is good) YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [30 Dec 2004|08:31pm] [ mood | contemplative ] HEY!! I'm so happy, my brother is coming home tomorrow. We r goin to pick him up and wen he gets home he is gona get to open his presents from Christmas. I miss him so much. AH I hate skool so much. I wish that skool was over forever and i wish that i could switch skools. My sister might go to Shepard, idk if i will. i hate hate hate skool. i hope that i dont have stupid people in my new classes, but there always r. People r prolly hoping that im not gona end up in their class. I wish kyle wasnt so idk, but he always tries to teach me stuff but he will nvr actually bring me to a show with him so now i just nod my head and agree with him. i cant believe that he got a mohawk. my mom promised to let me get dreds if my 3rd quarter grades were good, but i saw a white girl at mall about a month ago with dreds and she looked really stupid.so idk, i dont think my music is hardcore enough, i like the heavy stuff i just dont own that many CDs..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm watever i still want to so i will even if i look stupider than that stupid girl at the mall. i better go, ps, rane went on his date finally,grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(rice is good) GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 [27 Dec 2004|09:41pm] [ mood | worried ] OMG I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD AT MY COMPUTER.It sux so bad, all my files are gone, every single one. I want to smash it like in that movie office space. anyways i had a good christmas. i got a lot of stuff. today i went to the mall and got a patch and then wen i talked to rane i found out that he bought the exact same one for me wen he went today.well i guess it shos that he knos me pretty well. he came over my house on sunday and it was so funny cuz me and ang made him do karioke. omg it was fuckin hilarious. i hate skool i wish i never had to go back. it seems like some people can nvr stop complaining, but i dont want to complain about thoses complainers. i realized that this world is not safe, at all. everything is starting to get me paranoid. i dont like bar codes on the stuff i buy, they could be secret #s, we could be getting tagged and followed our everymove. i dont even like the internet, spyware follows ur every move and wen u think uve removed it all its still there. and who knos wat all these cards are doing, nowadays u need a card for everything, and ur not a person u become a # and wen they want info on u they can find out every detail of ur life. i hate the goverment, these nieve people that really think the gov is a good clean system are idiots, who could possibly think every thing going on is out in the open, we dont even kno wat they are planning, they want to control us and the way they start is by following us knoing wat we r up to. im lost tho, idk wat to do, i cant not buy anything i cant get away from THEM i kno my student # 923033, im a fucking #! i kno my pin # my social security # i might as well forget my name, soon i wont need it!!!!!i gota go

(rice is good) i cant wait til christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [20 Dec 2004|09:17pm] [ mood | weird ] hey today i went christmas shoppin at fiesta mall. i have now officially gotten a present for every family member and now im broke. i still need to get gifts foe some other people, like jimmy... he said he got me a present and now i should get him one too. hes so funny. anyways, i love wrapping presents so much, idk y. my sister was laughing at me cuz i have a small buddy list but i dont really talk to that much people on aim, so i think if anyone wants to send me some sn's they should. i want my christmas presents so bad!!!!!!!!!!! i could die. anyways im talkin to my cousin and i am stupid. um, boringness is setting in on me. i love candy, it is good, giraffes r cool, i love rice. wat else is there. ok um, i need chocolate milk, bye the. c ya. i love stupidvideos.com, it is awesome. um i need to do something fun so ok bye then.

(rice is good) good movies!!!!!!!!!!! [17 Dec 2004|09:11pm] [ mood | satisfied ] hey we went out to buffalo wild wings and i didnt eat any wings, good for me. i had a garden burger. anyways after that we went to blockbuster and got some good movies. um im watching one right now but i forgot wat its called. i want to read squeaky's live journal, i always read it it seems like wat im thinking. i saw stephen after school on thursday and said bye to him but i dont think he really cared. now that ive accepted that he hates me i just wonder y. i wish i knew. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it sux. o well. today i went to my brothers skool cuz he had a half day. he goes to sonoma ranch and hes in 3rd grade. i helped the teacher and tried to hook up these two kids but i didnt work out. there was this cute little boy named edreese, he was nice. anyways im not sure wat to do, go to cordies recital or go to see john i more want to see john but im not looking forward to telling cordie that i cant come, i wish griselda would just go so that cordie doesnt feel bad.this is the first time that ive written in this and not been in a bad mood.

(rice is good) bored yet again [15 Dec 2004|09:16pm] [ mood | blah ] hey today i talked to jimmy, i was so happy. anyways i was at griseldas house with cordie and we were practicing for griseldas final chorus test and she is actually doing really good. her dd is really nice to. um im talkin to rane and mark and mark is bein borin but so am i. rane has got some stupid date but i think it wont last cuz it nvr does and i dont think he knos it yet. o well he will learn that things suck wen u date people. grrrrrrrrrrr i hate skool. it really sux. i hope i get suspenders for christmas. giraffe, giraffa, jimmy was tryin to make me look stupid by convincing me that giraffe is spelled with an A at the end. y do all the wrong people think im pretty, i hate it. it sux. c ya gina

(rice is good) i hate skool [13 Dec 2004|09:27pm] [ mood | rejected ] hey today at school was pretty boring, but we did some thing for strolling strings and we went to the mps building and got recorded. they said it will play on channel 99. who even watches that channel. but stephen was there so wen i watch it i want to record it, im loser , i kno. but hes so cute, anyways i cant wait til winter break. i hate skool. my mom wants me to invite mark over for dinner but i think hes kinda scared to come so i told him he might as well cuz my mom knos where he lives. i wonder if stephen has an sn? he would'nt talk to me anyways, he hates me now. i havent talked to rane in a while. he thinx i got mad about cordie but he kinda misunderstood her and then it was cool but i nvr told him that. he wrote me an email to say sry again, he always says sry, its dumb. then he wrote that he got a date, but not to be mean its about time, he has nvr even kissed a girl. but alex said that she looked scary so idk.andrew is saying stuff in german and he wont tell me wat hes saying so its stupid. andrew thinx im beautiful, well atleast someone does, stephen prolly thinx im the ugliest person in the world, sry whoever is reading this, but i cant stop thinkin about him. i like this other kid that doesnt go to my skool and ive like him since forever, but i havent seen him for over a year. y does everything have to suck?grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, o well, c ya. o yeah, andrew was sayin ugly in german, to himself. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(rice is good) stephen is so cute [10 Dec 2004|11:34pm] [ mood | anxious ] hey well now everyone knos i like stephen so its pretty stupid. hayley told him! o well, anyways, we did strolling strings for some 80th birthday party. the lady didnt look that old tho. i haven't made an entry in a while cuz ive been busy. i went to my cousins birthday party on wednesday and i got picked up frome school in a limo. the drivers name was dave. on thursday we had our orchestra concert and it was pretty good i guess. i'm pretty bored right now, but im talkin to andrew and thats ok. hes pretty funny. him and amber seem like a good couple but they r not the same as before. i can never sleep i think to much. rane always says that that happens to him. i feel bad for not talking to him but he cant just say that he likes cordie, it was stupid. i have a really bad stomach ache, i read this book where a kid got stomach aches all the time cuz he was stressed out cuz his friend was stealling. maybe i get stressed

(rice is good) um idk [06 Dec 2004|09:08pm] [ mood | jealous ] hey right now im talking to this kid alex, hes pretty cool.i have a really bad stomach ache, i wana die. soooo um my mom made me watch some stupid christmas movie with her and it was stupid. my cousin is having a birthday party on wednes day and they r gona pick me up from school in a limo. it will be cool but wierd. she has really strange friends. well idk, anyways on thursday strolling strings will have to perform during second hour so im gona miss mine, but im gona ask my teacher if he will come to the assembly. i took a world history test to day and prolly failed it, but kelly copied it so atleast one good thing will come from me failing...kelly will fail too.alex is asking some girl out and i hope she says yes cuz it would suck if he got turned down cuz hes a nice guy. kelly and seth r gona fall mady in love wen pigs fly, someone told me that and i cant wait. anyways my brother is having family group tomorrow and i cant make it, it sux so bad. anyways, i like this kid in my strolling strings class but he doesnt kno and it sux cuz i cant tell him cuz idk y and everyone thinx hes ugly but hes not, o ya and seth is cute but kelly loves him. but yeah bye then.

(rice is good) japanese ginger bread men [05 Dec 2004|08:37pm] [ mood | cranky ] hey today i went to dennys today and the lady was stupid. me and my brother and my sister made a ginger bread house and it doesnt look that good but it was fun to eat the frosting. my brother mike made a ginger bread man that was supposed to be an evil japanese santa, and he was saying u be goog girl in a japanese accent. it was so funny. we decorated out christmas tree and wen we found an ornament john made wen he was in elemantry and mom started to cry. she always cries now. she also cried cuz im not nice to her cuz joe is in solitary confinement and cuz my brother will not be living here next christmas. to much crying. i cried a lot on friday but my dad said i dont neeed to cry, i need to be strong for john and i dont need to draw attention to myself it all needs to be on john so he can get better.stupid rane says he likes cordie but he doesnt even kno her and its so annoying. o yeah, cordie wrote me a not on friday to make me feel better and it was really nice.im really mean to rane but sometimes its funny but mean but funny.......idk.i have a stomach ache. i always have a stomach ache. its wierd. i hate school.well i need to go, bye(my mom is mad)

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